Thursday, January 25, 2007

20 questions that dog a brand namer

Clients will be clients. They keep throwing the same old questions at you, no matter how good your names are. I've compiled a dhobi list of 20 queries that've haunted me all my life. I am dead sure, you face the same posers everyday...

1. "I like your Top 20 names. But how about showing me your Top 100?"
2. "Will this name be understood by Tom, Dick & Hari in Jhumritalaya?"
3. "Is this too long? Is that too short?"
4. "I want a name like FCUK. At the same time I want it to sound corporate. Possible?"
5. "My first preference is your 19th choice. How do we reconcile this?"
6. "I have a shoestring budget. Can you give me a name that's as catchy and original as Kodak?"
7. "Is that your annual income or assignment fee?"
8. "How come research didn't like a single name you proposed?"
9. "Will it make me a millionaire?"
10. "Can you give me a lucky name that adds up to my lucky number?"
11. "This name sounds so long and you say it has just 3 syllables. Are you kidding me?"
12. "My wife loves the name Hersheys. I am thinking of using it for our lingerie brand. Could you help us coin a better name than Hershey's Innerwear or Hershey's Lingerie?"
13. "Boss, I know morphine. What the hell do you mean when you say morphemes?"
14. "We've done a lot of research in office. My 47-year old secretary thinks this name won't work for teenage girls. Can you convince me as to why we should still have it on our shortlist?"
15. "You have given me the pluses and minuses of all brand names. Now can you give me a brand name without any minuses?"
16. "Assuming I do zero advertising, the brand name on the pack will be the only advertisement. So can you give me a brand name that's self-explantory and yet grabs eyeballs by the dozen?"
17. "Look, I already have a name in mind. I am not going to tell you what it is. I'll wait for your names. If my name is better than yours, would you still want me to pay you for your efforts?"
18. "What do you mean by rejection fee? How can you expect to be compensated for churning a few hundred words that won't even fill a page?"
19. "I am going to be the only decision maker. I usually go by my gutfeel. If I like it, I invariably okay it. I'll just consult a few hundred well wishers of mine. If they veto it, could you consider giving me more options?"
20. "Nike may be Greek. Nivea may be Latin. But it's still not Greek and Latin to me. I want a foreign sounding name like that. You get what I am saying, right?"

No comments: